1) NUDITY:

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a

woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark

naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from

the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2) OPINIONS:

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from

his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not

necessarily those of his parents."

3) KETCHUP:

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her

struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the

phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.  She's

hitting the bottle."

4) MORE NUDITY:

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker

room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies

grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement

and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy

before?"

5) POLICE # 1:

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was

interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my

uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued

writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the

police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she

said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

6) POLICE # 2:

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the

station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and

I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he

asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then

towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7) ELDERLY:

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly

shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,

particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her

staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for

the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The

tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8) DRESS-UP:

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her

dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the

next morning. "

9) DEATH:

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard

the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his

5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that

proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton

batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with

sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always

said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he

goooes."

10) SCHOOL:

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting

my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they

won't let me talk!"

11) BIBLE:

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered

through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked

up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been

pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called

out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's

voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."