An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for
a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the
gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the
doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the
other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm
just full of aches and pains. I know you're about
my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my
pants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but
it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
" Twelve thirty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get
a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris
walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman
on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke
to Morris and said, "You're really doing great,
aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a
hot mamma and be cheerful.'
" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two old hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were
successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back to pick them up.
They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk.
But the pilot objected and said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to
leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had
allowed them to put all six aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the
pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the little plane took off, it was soon in
trouble. It didn't make it very far and they crashed into the wilderness.
Climbing out of the wreckage, one of the hunters said to the other, "Do you know where we
are? "I think so," replied the other, scratching his head. "I think this is about the same place where
landed last year.
return to comical
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